GRC Checklist

Most of my rides are pretty simple: Legs, check; Bike, check; Route, check; Cycling Cohort, check (sometimes)

Tomorrow, March 3, 2009 is the Georgia Rides to the Capitol. Just another ride with 1000+ people I’ve likely never met, and even if I have it doesn’t matter because I have this weakness of liking anyone on a bicycle. The myriad of friends aside, there’s much to prepare for a 21 mile one way ride in 20 degree weather. To simplify my task, I’ve made a very loose checklist in order to keep myself on track for what I need to be doing tonight in order to be ready for tomorrow. If only the rest of life were this simple . . .

1- Drink a Beer– nothing fancy, you know it’s going to dehydrate you, but something has to calm the nerves

2- Prepare Hydration Munitions– #1 won’t be the last time that step appears

3- Put on Carhartt– it’s 20 degrees outside, maybe colder, you’ll be glad to have it during the next step

4- Affix Bike Rack on Car– as gallant as it would be to ride to the start line, I’m not Dean Karnazes

5- Dispose of Waste from #1 Properly– Recycle cheap aluminum can from cheap beer that wasn’t as satisfying as you’d hoped

6- Wash Gook off of Pedros Bottles– if you keep a bucket of bicycle cleaning clear and you throw this bucket unceremoniously into your closet after each wash, you’d likely to have gook covered bottles

7- Grab another Beer, Hoping it’s Better Than the First– The odds aren’t in your favor, but you’re about to be outside for a minute, so do something irrational to cancel out the irrational act of going outside to clean your bicycle when it’s 20 degrees

8- Clean Bicycle– You love Cycling way too much to show off a dirty ride, plus, just because you’ve no hair to primp doesn’t mean that you’ve lost all your vanity

9- Take a Break and Write About What You’re Doing– this is a great time to check your e-mail, Facebook, and your website and realize that all of your cycling buddies are STAYING ON TASK! while you’re slacking around.

10- Set Out More Clothes Than You Think You’ll Need– Who cares that you don’t live in Minnesota? What the heck is a wind chill? 20 degrees is cold, and if you’re not used to it, it’s going to hurt. There’s no such thing as Geographic Altruism.

11- Rack Your Brain to Foresee What You’re Going to Forget– it’s no use. You’ll forget something, deal with it.

12- Read Excerpts from 1- “It’s Not About the Bike,” 2- “Bobke II,” and 3- “A Dog in a Hat”– 1- Nothing seems insurmountable when compared to beating full body cancer just before you win the Tour de France 7 times in a freakin’ row; 2- If Bob Rolls quips don’t inspire you to ride, sell your bike and take up golf; 3- no matter how bad the weather in Minnesota, Joe Parkin has been through worse

13- Answer 10pm Phone Call Wondering “Who the Heck is Calling at This Hour?”– it’s your mother-in-law and she’s fabulous, despite your reluctance to admit it

14- Post What You’ve Been Writing– Nothing is more motivating than showing the cyber-cosmos how uprepared you are for a ride you’ve been giddy about for months

15- Wonder When You’ll Actually Go to Sleep– fantasies are a very healthy contribution to the male psyche